Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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