Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
from now on my penis is your penis
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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