wanna go halves on a baby?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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