your parents love me but you hate me
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
