Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
