writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
