that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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