toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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