i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize