If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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