btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
