ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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