I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
