can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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