well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
