Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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