i need an iv and a liver transplant
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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