i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
