Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
