Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
