in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
