Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Duck Duck Cougar?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Never underestimate the power of titties
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
