Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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