alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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