I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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