Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
