my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
