My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
