Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I fill condoms, not promises.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize