Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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