the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just forgot I was standing up.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
