16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
