My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
