White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is it because I queefed?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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