i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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