You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
