Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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