I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
