My liver just broke up with me...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
