Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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