It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
