I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
