my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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