she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The best revenge is premature balding
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
