There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
40s are totally the cure
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
