The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
