I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
