so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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