I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Fuck appropriateness.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
