u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
