Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
