He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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