so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the condom got lost in my hair
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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