She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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