I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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