so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
