Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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