i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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