I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
