pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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