His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
