Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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