I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
