question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
