wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
