He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
