im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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