I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
