Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
