2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
